My daughter loved riding horses and was very good at it. I worked hard so I could support her riding and learning how to care for and ride ponies and horses. She kept her horse at a riding stable where she met others who loved horses and riding. One day I took her to this barn so she could ride in a lesson and I noticed a little bird hanging upside down up high up and this little bird was trying very hard to break free from the long tail hair that was hanging there that he got tangled up in. Birds make their nests and like to use horse hair and pieces of hay and stuff they find on the floor, it's actually very interesting how they work around people and look for things they can build their nests with.

Anyway, this poor little bird was trying so hard to break free from that long horse hair and I noticed it and it was too high for me to immediately do something, I am the type that wants to do something when I see something struggling be it animals or people. My daughter saw it too, but knew her mom would find a way to help it. Different mothers and students came in and I paid attention to how they reacted to this small creature struggling for it's life. To my surprise most just ignored it, and also did not even care to care too. When I say that I mean it had no affect on them what so ever. It was not important to them, not even worth their gazing up or if they did they just shrugged their shoulders and "not my problem, not interested in that".

I could not do that, I did not see a ladder or anything I could use to get to that poor little bird. I did know WHO would not only notice it, but feel bad for it and immediately go into action. I looked for the woman that did all the barn work and took care of all the animals and horses. I finally found her and just as I knew she would, she looked up felt empathy for that poor little bird and immediately went into action to get it free. I thanked her and gave her a hug.

Had it not been for me stopping and not only noticing and feeling empathy and wanting to do something to help and making sure SOMEONE did something and figuring out who would care, that little bird would have just died. A lot of adults and their children came and went and NONE of them wanted to care. I thought that was terrible Fuzzy.

What I noticed is how a lot of people were involved with horses not thinking about the animals but thinking about what THEY wanted from the animals. Honestly, often horses and ponies are nothing but a commodity Fuzzy. The animals, and horses and ponies are only USED for pleasure. The TRUTH is Fuzzy, that is also what people do when it comes to OTHER PEOPLE too. And I have even noticed how that is what a lot of parents do too, children are only a commodity to them to PLEASE and USE THEM for the PARENT'S PLEASURE. Often children exist simply because "that's what comes next" and not because someone wants to raise, nurture, and care about bringing another human being into the world that can enjoy life too.

Often a parent expects a child to pay attention and behave and please the parent. If a child doesn't do that that child is often punished. Sadly, a lot of parents JUST focus on the behavior NOT CARING ABOUT THE WHY.
When someone says to me, "Just do not accept the behavior, don't care about the WHY"? I can get triggered to be honest. It's that mindset that resulted in so many people suffering in Asylums not to long ago. If a parent or a husband disliked what they considered UNACCEPTABLE behaviors in a wife or a child, they often had that wife or child committed for someone else to deal with it. Often it was not due to an individual being bad either, but instead being different and NEEDING someone to help untangle it from what they are caught up in and can't seem to break free from.

Well, there are very few Asylums left, got too expensive, too crowded and became unsustainable. YET, that did not CHANGE how people can suffer and face some kind of discard. A lot of these places were shut down because they were considered "INHUMANE".


My own childhood exposed me to seeing others get hurt and treated badly. I watched my older brother constantly being hurt and treated so badly, I watched him sit alone trying to hide his tears. I did not see ANYONE go to him and untangle what he was caught up in that kept hurting him either. Everything was about not liking him because of his behaviors. Bottom line is all they focused on was the behaviors AND NOT THE WHY. I was afraid of him not because he was a bad child, but because he was treated so badly that he would need to vent all his frustrations. Every time I had to run and hide, I always knew it was NOT HIS FAULT.

When I stood there and noticed that little bird struggling so much, all tangled and helpless and how no one CARED enough to notice it much less do anything about it, it reminded me of my older brother. I FEEL IT before I even consciously realize why.

I noticed for a very long time you really did not say much. Instead you came here are read and here and there offered hugs and pictures. The major improvement I have noticed in you Fuzzy, is you have found your voice. You can at least talk about things you experience that hurts you in some way, that's a big improvement. Yet, you will still face challenges from others that don't have the ability to recognize that about you. It's true, there are a lot of people that will treat you like a doormat as soon as you are not USEFUL to them in some way.

I have a friend and she calls once in a while I hear "I am sorry about your loss" and the next part of the conversation is ALL ABOUT HER and what USEFUL advice or comfort I can provide her with. She doesn't even KNOW this about herself either. She graduated cum laude from college, even studied psychology. So much she knows and yet doesn't know. Her son struggles with PTSD from the time he served, he's a vet. She can't GET how he struggles and WHY he tends to distance from her. She cannot see the tangle he is in, can't see the tangle I am in either, it's invisible unless you learn about THE WHYS. She focuses too much on his behaviors without CARING ENOUGH to understand WHY he exhibits these behaviors. This woman doesn't know how to "listen" and the truth is a lot of people simply don't know how to listen. Actually, that is why this site is so busy.

Fortunately Fuzzy, there are people who care enough to observe different behaviors and want to actually KNOW the WHYS. It's because of these people that many individuals struggling in a tangle can get help to understand themselves better and how to learn and grow despite whatever way they might be different. Yet that doesn't change the fact that there are people who still can only look at others for how they are USEFUL and not really be able to actually SEE these others. Often these individuals will take and then treat you badly for not having ALL the answers to suit ALL their needs. These individuals cannot be bothered to help you untangle Fuzzy, they just don't have it in them and a lot of times, they just don't want to care like you do either.

The important thing to recognize about yourself Fuzzy is how far you have come. Yes, now you can decide who you can be safe with and who to walk away from, even slam your door shut on too. Making progress, good for you!