I deal with sexual feelings for my therapist and have been for the last year. It's not a constant feeling, but something that stirs up now and then. It's been an issue again lately. I just posted here recently how I was thinking of quitting because nothing productive was happening anymore and I wasn't sure that it was helping me to keep going, but then we had a couple of really good sessions that seem to be turning things in a positive direction. That's not why I feel attracted, though. The attraction is mostly unemotional. Sometimes, he makes comments that reveal little bits of himself to me and I start to feel attracted again, and that's what happening. A couple of weeks ago, we were talking about something non-sexual and he mentioned S&M and it turned me on hearing him mention that. It made me wonder if it's something that he enjoys. And then at the end of another appointment, we were finishing up and normally we walk out together. This time, I stood up before him, and I was sort of standing over him for a minute while I waited. Just being in that position put me right back in those feelings.

I have no intentions of ever bringing this up. I worry that he would refer me to someone else, and I worry that it would be such an awkward conversation that I'd be too embarrassed to return even if he would allow it. We are both in good relationships, and it's not like I actually want to have an affair with him. However, if he ever asked me about it directly, then I would be honest and tell him. I feel like that would be an easier conversation than going to a session one day and saying, "I have a problem. I'm attracted to you and occasionally fantasize about you." I don't see why it would ever be necessary to do that anyway. I don't believe that it affects the outcome of what we're doing. As long as I feel I am making some sort of progress with him in the therapy itself, then I don't see why he needs to know what I think about him outside of that context.

I first joined this forum because of the initial sexual feelings I was having for him and how they made me feel confused and awkward. I don't feel that way anymore. I just enjoy the fantasy when it happens. Sometimes those feelings disappear for a while. The first time they disappeared was after I happened to see his significant other in person in the office one day. It knocked me back to reality, and for a long time I felt nothing toward him beyond the clinical. It temporarily killed the fantasy to see what he goes home to every night.

I've often thought that if we were both single and not in a therapist-client relationship that he'd be someone I'd want to go out with. Aside from the physical attraction I feel, we have a lot of things in common and tend to think in a similar way. This helps us to get along very well in the relationship we have in his office, but it's also exactly what leads to other thoughts. The only downside of this feeling for me is that there is a part of me that still wants to believe he experiences a mutual attraction to me, simply because I want the egotistical satisfaction of knowing that, but he has always been professional, and if he does feel anything, I'll never know it.

If someone truly feels in love with their therapist and attached in a highly emotional way, then it probably is wise to say so and discuss why this is happening. The therapist should be able to help with this and not make it painful. The more frivolous sexual thoughts I have are probably best kept unsaid.