I understand what you mean, DazedandConfused254! I don't have a lot of advice to give to you unfortunately. I DO believe you're doing well though by taking care of yourself though! Counselling and Meds will be able to help you hopefully. If this doesn't prove to be enough, definitely talk to your doctor about ALL of this and see how it goes from there! I'm not sure whether your thoughts may prove dangerous or not. That's up to you to decide how much safe you feel. If things get bad DEFINITELY go to an hospital or at least try to call an hotline if it can help! Your safety must be the priority! I'm sure life will get better soon for you. You just have to hang in there a little bit more. Good thinghs will come! I'm sure of that! Just try tof ocus on yourself and your own health for now. You'll think later about relationships. Right now YOU are the most important person in the world! Take GREAT care of yourself! Let us know how things are going for you! We ALL DO care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Wish you the best of luck in your healing and in your life! Sending many hugs to BOTH you and your family, DazedandConfused254!