Thank you Eskie. I agree, it’s an interesting thread.
Thanks for sharing your truth
Quote:
Originally Posted by eskielover
I am so happy you didn't delete anything.
These are outstanding discussion points Fuzzy :hug; very interesting thread.
Just like taking care of a problem doesn't require empathy neither does being a good T. They just have to be capable of understanding the person's problem (not feeling their feelings) & knowing what is needed to help them.
The only 2 wonderful T's I have have ever had are the last 2 (others were mostly a waste of time & $). The help of these 2 gave had nothing to do with being empathetic. They weren't/ aren't empathetic but they are understanding, caring, & wise. My really best T ever is the one I have now. She taught skills along with how the mind actually works. Her whole focus was on getting us to PRACTICE the skills daily & to understand them until they were integrated into our lives. This was based on DBT but went far beyond just DBT.
I related well probably because she taught the information like outstanding professors I had in college where you didn't just learn material but provided an in depth understanding so that you knew that you knew what you knew.
She is very understanding, caring & sympathetic but I think the understanding ability is her highest quality. Understanding is not the same as empathetic. I am the kind of person that doesn't need empathy....I just need understanding so I can get guidance for what was/is missing in my understanding of life so I can learn & integrate it into my own life. She planted seeds & I cultivated them within myself with her guidance along the way in group & with my private T monthly.
I was not in touch with any of my feelings other than anger when I got in with my good T's. I didn't even have the words to express what I was really feeling so we worked in my private sessions on listing (from a 5 page list of feelings) everything I was feeling & EXACTLY WHY I was feeling that feeling. Once I was MINDFUL (fully aware) of all the feelings I was experiencing & exactly why I was feeling those feelings I finally had words to express myself I never had before in my life.
For me it was all a growing awareness of myself but because I have always been a logical thinking person this all had to be understood with my logical mind for it to make any sense to me.
That is where a good T is understanding of the NEEDS of their client & is able to approach them from where they are coming from. Our wise mind uses our logical & emotional mind to deal with problems. It is when we feel the balance between our logical & emotional mind that we know we have a "wise mind" solution & feel a peace with our decisions & we can do this on our own without needing someone outside ourselves to tell us it is ok. This is kinda like seeing the bird struggling & feeling bad for it & knowing it needs help from the struggling we have observed (emotional mind at work) then logical mind takes over & determines a ladder & scissors are needed to solve the birds problem. We don't need everyone around us to agree the bird has a problem...we KNOW it. We know what is needed for the solution & we seek out what we need to solve it. We need someone to show us where the ladder is & it is wise to have someone hold the ladder while we climb to help the bird....but it is not necessary to have everyone that sees the bird say wow it does need help & you don't even need others there to help unless you just physically can't do it yourself
My T is great at validating our why's we feel the way we feel but beyond that she taught us how to SELF validate as we don't always have others around us let alone others who are able to validate. Kinda like a turtle & it's shell, we carry our validation ability around with us.
I know that some people need empathy in their therapy where others don't. That is why it is important to find a T that fits our needs....but it is just as important that they provide good quality therapy also. Learning to be mindful requires BOTH the individuals use of the logical mind along with the emotional mind. It is not an either or kinda thing & it is important for a good T to draw both these thinking capabilities out of the person. There may be trauma issues that need to be dealt with first but in the long run these skills are necessary to function within our own selves. We need to end up an integrated package not just a logical or emotional one.
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