@SilverTrees

I'm rolling on 3 hours of sleep and a cup of coffee, so this may be unintelligible. Anyway...

Yes*, and further, we need recognition from others in order to become aware of our Self, and only then can we begin to properly form our Identity. These things, naturally, are integral to our happiness and psychological well-being.

Firstly, we must understand how we become aware of our Self. Self-awareness is an active, inter-subjective exercise. If we are aware of an object, be that object a pencil or a person**, then it must follow that we are aware of ourselves as thinking subjects, distinct from the object we're perceiving. Then we, as thinking subjects, can also surmise that we're objects to other thinking subjects. We become aware of another's awareness of us, and then we can begin to see ourselves through their perception. We get feedback, in other words. Where we are distinct from or similar to other thinking subjects will shape our Identity.

An illustration featuring Wonder Woman: Diana was created and raised on an Amazonian island and had no contact with either humans or male beings of any kind***. Considering this, she understood herself only with reference to other Amazonians and didn't have any real concept of womanhood, not until she met a human man. Once she met Steve, her identity as a woman and a goddess became more defined because it was contrasted against someone who was neither a woman nor a deity (although, she did understand to some extent that she was different from other Amazonians). As she continued to interact with the Other (the men's world, human societies, whatever) her Identity as an Amazonian goddess became more and more defined.

Hegel argues that this interaction with the Other necessarily brings tension, and he characterizes it as a struggle between two opposing forces. We seek recognition from the Other so that we can better understand ourselves. But the conflict arises because both us thinking subjects are seeking recognition from each other. Hegel says that, inevitably, a stronger thinking subject will dominate a weaker one, thereby resulting in the Master-slave relationship. Such a pronounced imbalance is doomed to fail; neither party will get the recognition they seek, and each will resent the other party for it.

Consider the narcissistic abuser (Narc) and his victim (Vic). Narc wants, nay - DEMANDS - recognition from other people in an attempt to stabilize his fragile sense of self. He demands this often through violence, threats of violence or manipulation. The problem is three-fold:

1. Like Hegel states, Narc will never fully accept the recognition of Vic because Narc doesn't fully recognize Vic's humanity, and therefore doesn't really value Vic's opinion. Narcissists will only feel satisfied by another's recognition if that Other is someone they perceive as "equal" to them.

2. The image that he projects to Vic isn't real, and therefore the image of himself that's reflected back to him isn't real. He isn't getting recognition of himself, but a false identity which he himself created. It's basically a mastubatory exercise which serves only to feed one's own ego and does nothing to actually develop a stable identity.

3. Vic submits out of fear, so whatever recognition that Vic gives him likely isn't genuine. Even if it is, Narc will never know for certain if Vic is giving him a genuine compliment or merely trying to placate him out of fear of punishment.

Consequently, Narc will never feel truly fulfilled by any recognition given by Vic, and, because narcissists are not known for their self-awareness, will likely begin to resent Vic for his own unhappiness. Likewise, Vic will never receive the recognition she needs from Narc because Narc refuses to see her as fully human. What Narc fails to realize is that the problem lies with him. He cannot receive the recognition he needs unless he also recognizes the humanity in Vic, allows Vic to voice her opinions openly and without fear of reprisal, and values those opinions. He won't do this, of course, because he'd rather be comforted by a fantasy of his own creation than face the truth.

I absolutely believe this is a real dynamic which plays out in a lot of relationships, particularly in those where there's a stark power imbalance. And the Narc-Vic relationship is a perfect illustration of why we need recognition in order to form Identity. While narcissists present an image of a mature adult, if you dare get close enough to one, you'll find that their "real self," however little there is that's real, is shockingly immature. Why? Because they never present their "real self" long enough for it to be recognized by another. Consequently, it never develops.

However, I disagree with Hegel somewhat that seeking recognition will inevitably result in a struggle between two thinking subjects demanding recognition from each other. We can, so to speak, cut the foreplay and simply recognize the humanity in the Other from the get-go. Of course, Hegel may have been a brilliant philosopher, but he was still an affluent white dude living in the very un-egalitarian times of the early 19th century, and the "thinkers" of that time period often had a fear of the Other which bordered on pathological, but I digress.

Where was I going with this? Oh right ... Back to the subject of the thread.

CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS. Are they important? How many do we need? Yes, and I don't know.

It isn't necessarily that we seek "close relationships," but rather that we seek recognition from others.**** This is evident in the Narc/Vic relationship, which is close, but neither party is receiving the recognition they need to be truly fulfilled. We're seeking to have our humanity acknowledged, our thoughts valued, etc., and when we fail to receive that, it's detrimental to our psychological well-being and impedes our self-growth.

While we can get recognition from acquaintances, colleagues, or even complete strangers, it's only those closest to us who see us at our most honest, who see every aspect of us, both our strengths and weaknesses, and who we trust to offer the most honest opinion. It's in our closest relationships where we can get the most genuine recognition and the most complete reflection of our Self.

That being said, I think you can develop an Identity without close relationships, but it likely won't be as strong because no one gets to see you completely.


*In this section, I'm referring to human contact in general, not close relationships.

**"Person as object" - I mean only to distinguish the person perceiving and the person being perceived, not implying any sort of negative connotation, or "reducing" a person to an object.

***I've only seen the movie, so I apologize in advance if I've confused details of Wonder Woman's backstory.

****Disclaimer: As I am a psychopath, it may be that normal people seek close relationships for other additional reasons of which I'm not aware. Like emotions, or whatever. Nevertheless, recognition is among those major human needs, and I think you'd all be terribly unhappy in a close relationship where you're not being recognized or valued.