What really helped me getting out of there is that i remembered im ALWAYS scared of leaving, so i kind of normalized the thing.

then i asked to work less hours this week and that helped a lot too.

what also helped is that pdoc wanted to see me tomorrow. it showed me how much she cares and i thought i could bear it for 2 days. if not i could just go back. but im doing ok for now.

another thing that really helped is having T and exT on my side. so that i dont feel completely alone.

things are going ok out now. i have restarted some sort of routine and im more positive.

but what really helps is knowing that if i want it, i have a plan and i know i can act on it whenever it becomes too much. THIS really REALLY helps.