Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Recognition from others yet with respect in allowing one to form one's own identity instead of having to fit into a box of what others consider worthy of value and respect. If a child grows up with a narcissistic parent they are expected to be what the narcissist wants instead of experiencing the freedom to develop their own identity. Without even realizing it this individual can think this is normal and end up in a relationship with yet another narcissist that has no ability to respect them as having their own identity but instead live their life around the narcissists needs. The individual unknowingly learns the only way to live is through codependency always putting the needs of others before themselves and never really feeling their own identity. Decisions come hard in that without realizing it the individual never was allowed to have their own opinion or sense of self.
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True @
openeyes. People need their own space and time to develop a fully capable and healthy Self. I am not clear on the line between allowing that and also enjoying and learning from close relationships.
If I understood Theoretical correctly, they are saying that one cannot fully develop a strong sense of Self without recognition via close relationships. Yet, I know from the marriage and divorce research that it is impossible to have a healthy marriage without first developing your own sense of self, separately from that partner. Trying to develop it with that partner does not work.
But on the extreme, if a young person grows up without ever having ANY close attachments, they likely will not be healthy. I'm just not sure where the line is between the two....the balance. I feel a need to look at some research on identity development and relationships. Children of maladaptive parenting styles often learn to suppress and deny the Self. It does not matter who they meet later or how wonderful they are, if they never have time alone to independently self-reflect and analyze, they will never know their own true self.....they will spend a lifetime suppressing it and partnering with people who dominate them. They may even perceive that as attractive....being told what to do all the time....then the years go by and Self withers or grows very angry.