A possibility is to write down things you might or would say to her.

This will help you better identify, understand, and cope with your feelings and with the events that happened, and their effects on your family. It can give a kind of release.

You could write here, in s journal, etc.

You would not be committing yourself to doing anything with what you write down. You would figure that out later. You might just keep it, you could destroy it, you could give it to her, etc. You would have options.