He stole from you, fraudulently using your debit card. This is a person who has no scruples. You are lucky he didn’t respond to the letter you sent. He could have done something to make trouble for you, maybe telling your husband something, maybe a lie to cause trouble. He could feign caring and hoover you into something with him that would ruin your marriage— He could be a horrid enough person that he would intentionally do that and enjoy doing it. Knowing that he stole from you, I say stay far away from him and be thankful he didn’t hurt you worse.

These relationship hurts do sting and haunt for as long as it takes us to heal. I’m ashamed to admit how I stewed over these break ups of mine. Yes, I did it during new relationships. I know it wasn’t healthy. I never thought to go to a therapist about it. I’ve learned there is a term ‘limerence’ and OCD describes these issues. I probably have some condition or disorder. But, I think people who don’t still will smart over hurtful breakups. It just takes some time. How much time is a healthy person’s recovery? Vs. How long did I ruminate? That’s a good question.

The take-away here is that you definitely will heal. Especially since this guy was such a creep who stole from you. Also, the restorative justice letter sent is more for YOU than for him. He may not have even read it and thrown it right in the trash. It did feel good for me to write it and daringly send it. It feels like when you write on a note and cast it into the sea. It’s a release. Feeling like I got it off my chest helped me stop ruminating about the anger and sped up healing and feeling closure.