I do not understand why you wish to give him so much leeway about this. He is selfish and I do not see how you could love someone and expect them to wait around for you to make a decision. Why are you ok with this? He had an affair, continues to have the affair and expects you to be patient while he decides which life to wreck? This is terrible for your kids and the fact that this is such a hard decision for him shows that he doesnt care about their welfare. He is only thinking of himself.