I don't believe you're "fake" at all, Humpty Dumpty! There's probably that little glimpse of hope inside you that makes you feel like things can STILL improve and get better. I agree with that although you likely don't for the most part. That's understandable and in no way we're going to make you feel ashamed for feeling that way. It is certainly NOT your fault if you're feeling so bad! Just be kind to yourself, ok? Do you have any hobbies that you can use to distract yourself? Something to pass the time? Anything that may help you! I hope your wife is being supportive to you as well! I certainly hope things will get better soon for you one way or another! You can count on us for advice and support! WE'RE HERE TO LISTEN! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Humpty Dumpty!