I understand but it's important for you to keep working on yourself and your behaviour if you have problems managing your anger. I'm glad Kate is aware of this at least but it's your responsability to work on these issues so that she won't feel afraid of you blowing up at any moment. Peace and mutual trust are BOTH fundamental traits of any SERIOUS relationship! As for your feelings perhaps it would be good to explore them in therapy if you're seeing a therapist and understand where they may be coming from. I believe you don't need to worry too much about what other people may believe or think but if it's about YOU it's another matter. I'd suggest to explore those thoughts with an experienced therapist if you aren't doing it already. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and Kate, Kane!