Sometimes all a person needs when they are dealing with something that frightens them and they don't know what to do is just have a person they can report to. Part of our normal response to something that is happening that causes us fear is we are often compelled to sound an alarm. For example, if you play a video game the game makes sounds when something pops up or something you aim at is destroyed. Most of these games engage all the senses visual, auditory, along with a person using their hands so "motion" too. The game reports everything back which is something the human mind is set up for. Human beings are designed to "navigate" so it's easy to understand how these video games can get addictive.

This coworker sounds like an individual that needs to report a lot and is very auditory. Yet, once she/he announces she/he needs to see what happens next and doesn't always want others to step in and take over. Actually, a lot of people respond with "that sounds terrible, keep me posted" or some kind of response that acknowledges the report from another person where that alone can be giving someone something they need to experience.

Those who are on the autism spectrum do best when they can focus on how things work according to how they process things and tend to do best with things that follow a certain order which is why so many gravitate to the world of computers or things that present patterns, like music or mathematicals which music is. The stress and anxiety they experience tends to come from experiencing things that are random, without specific pattern, which is often why many experience social anxiety as socializing can be random without pattern.

That being said, this coworker actually is showing a pattern to you. This coworker likes to report and sound alarms, but doesn't necessarily want others to actually step in and take over for them. You cannot change what happens to this individual's boyfriend or how they deal with it. All you can do is learn to respond in ways that say "I hear you, keep me posted and often saying to them that they will figure out how to handle this too". That is what this individual seems to need from what you have shared.