I can't offer much other than to say I care. You are worth just as much as me or any of us here. Thoughts like the ones you are having are a product of the depression that comes along with bipolar disorder. Our minds are powerful and trick us into believing things that we wouldn't think twice about otherwise. Try to remember that you aren't your depression. You are strong and you're fighting against it. That says a lot about who you are even if you cannot see it yourself right now. Try not to compare yourself too much to others. That is a rabbit hole with no end. Maybe take a few moments today to remind yourself of the positive things in your life. Brainstorm a list of what you have to be grateful for or maybe a list of things you've accomplished that you can be proud of. Nothing is too small. You've already reached out here and were honest about your feelings. That takes strength and you can be proud of that if nothing else.

I hope you are able to find a doc that can help more with meds and coping skills that can lighten your world a bit. Hang in there and I send well wishes and blessings for peace in your future.