I feel a bit better, now that I've made a decision. I have to get my bf into a nursing home for about two weeks. While he's there, I'll try to recover from being in this deepening hole. I know I have to get off this treadmill. I hope he doesn't get impacted negatively by this plan. There's a good chance he will be. I've decided to just accept that I can't control everything that affects him. Right now I'm harming myself more than I'm helping him. Enough is enough.