You're trying your best and that's what counts, sinking! I'm REALLY HAPPY that you were able to resist your urges and to NOT harm yourself! That truly proves how strong you are and I hope you'll remind yourself of this accomplishment if you still feel bad. Either way perhaps you won't agree with me but I believe you're magaging ALL of this very well. You're taking care of yourself, working, trying to stay with other people and you're NOT isolating yourself. These are all HUGE steps you're taking and I believe you need to give yourself more credit for this! I know it isn't easy but please keep trying. You're doing WONDERFUL! We're here for you if you need support or if you feel like you can't handle it. I'm so sorry to hear about your Pdoc! I COMPLETELY understand how you feel and what you mean. Even though you may not like her too much you've STILL made a connection with her. You've been seeing for her for a long time after all. Is that correct? Feel free to correct me if that's not true! Either way, the positive side is that perhaps your new Pdoc will be BETTER! Try to think of that if you're not doing it already. Perhaps that will make you feel slightly better. Keep taking care of yourself and keep relaxing when you can! You're an hard-working person whether you want to admit it or not! Also, you don't have to answer this, but can you tell which movie did your ex-T suggest? Just curious! You don't have to asnwer of course if you don't want to! Either way, keep doing what you're doing! I hope you'll feel better soon and that things will adjust soon for you and your life! Please keep us updated and let us know how things are going for you, your family, your Pdoc, your therapist and your friends, ESPECIALLY P if you feel like talking about that and if you want to talk about that of course! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and ALL the people who you love and who love you, sinking, my dear, sweet friend!