Quote:
Originally Posted by magicalprince
Are you really hurt because he did all that terrible stuff, or are you more hurt because he said he loved his ex more than you?
Obviously all that other stuff is pretty horrible behavior, but clearly at some point it was not, on its own, an absolute dealbreaker.
It seems like the real thing that pushed you into this level of anger is to think that after all that, maybe he didn't love you as much as you believed he did.
I mean, you seem like a person who would move mountains for someone that you loved. You must have really wanted to help him.
It's one thing to find out someone was taking advantage of your time or effort or money, but it's really a whole other thing entirely to find out that someone was taking advantage of your heart.
It seems like you only put up with all that stuff as long as you still believed he loved you. Maybe that is part of the problem here. Do you perhaps have a tendency to be self-sacrificing in order to feel worthy of other people's love?
(I have this tendency myself and have been similarly hurt so... I hope I don't sound like I'm coming from a place of judgment.)
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Thank you to everyone for your insights and thoughts! I really appreciate your input, and every single one of you has me thinking about this more.
I am quoting magicalprice's post since this really resonated with me the most right now. And @
Divine your comment as well.
That I gave SO much of my heart, my life and my world to someone who took full advantage of my heart AND who was NOT worthy of my heart and love, in the end.
Yes, I moved mountains for him because I loved him THAT MUCH.
Then to have him tell me he loved his ex more? AND then I learn he stole from me to secretly do drugs behind my back?
On top of everything else he pulled that was SO wrong?
No, I don't feel I self-sacrifice in order to feel worthy of love....
I just went to great lengths for this person BECAUSE I was SO in love with him. And I thought he was SO in love with me too. We did get engaged after all, and hoped to get married one day.
It just takes everything away that was valuable and special at one point, for him to say he loved her more.
He was wrong for me and it never would have worked, but still..... one would like to look back on their past relationships with fondness and nice memories...
All I have is bitterness.
I don't feel he used me, so please any other thoughts, please don't just tell me he used me. I really don't think he did. Deep down, I think he did truly love me, and was simply trying to hurt me with his words in the end.
I think he is one messed up, very hurtful and cruel person that I got involved with. I no longer beat myself up over it though.... not like I was a year ago.
For the longest time, I wanted revenge. And a part of me still does want the sweet taste of revenge.
People always say the best revenge is happiness and moving on without them. And I am pretty much happy.
But no, I don't feel I self sacrifice to feel worthy. I don't think I do that, at least. I give in love because that's what love is... you place the other person's happiness and well-being as important as your own, and sometimes, even more important if need be.