Golden_Eve, this will not be the last time you realize he was doing something behind your back. But answer me this: what does it matter now? He was a bad guy. He did bad things to you. He can no longer do bad things to you. You have moved on and are happy now. So you found out he did something years ago. What does it really matter now that you know exactly who he is? Why is it even a surprise? I'm not chastising you; I'm honestly asking why these things are bothering you? It sounds to me like you haven't moved on, you haven't finished processing the anger and rage. And I think the only way to do that is by dealing with your emotions and yourself and not expecting him to deal with them for you. Emotions don't just go away or stop. Even when you "process" an emotion, all you are doing is learning where it's coming from so you can then act/react appropriately. ANd that may mean to do nothing.

When my therapist was helping me process emotions, specifically anger and anxiety, first she had me explain the physical sensations so I could recognize them and then exert some physical control over my body by breathing or stretching or doing whatever I could to change it from the physical standpoint. Then it was talking about where the emotion was coming from and what I could do to resolve the emotion, whether that was resolving to remind myself that it's done and over or actually taking an action to talk to someone personally who I needed to resolve something with.

I think you need to keep reminding yourself it's done and over. There's likely more stuff he did that you don't know. No reason to even care or be surprised.

I'll give an example: I had to fire someone at the end of 2018. She did not complete any work in the 6 months she worked for. I know that. I knew that. Still, 6 months later I come across assignments or tasks that she had not completed that she was responsible for. I don't get angry at this point. I expect if she was the last person working on it that it's probably nowhere near complete or a crap job done. Because that's what kind of employee she was.

When you run into memories or leftover business of his, expect the behavior he's shown you to expect - lies, deceit, theft, cruelty.

I think the reason this has dredged stuff up for you is because you keep expecting him to realize the error of his ways and beg your forgiveness. It's not going to happen. I think part of forgiveness is to stop expecting things from people and just accepting them for who they are. You have to accept that he's a bad guy and likely will always be a bad guy. Doesn't mean you have to tolerate him in your life, of course, but you have to just accept that's who he is and that's what kind of behavior you're going to get, and still may uncover, even years after the fact.

Forgiveness comes differently for everyone. I think before you can forgive you have to understand why you are so angry still. And as others have said or insinuated, I don't think this is actually about forgiveness for you. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you can never feel anger at them again. Forgiveness is like mindfulness. It's a daily practice. It's not an instantaneous one and done.

Also, this guy really used you and mistreated you. I mean, just, I would be super pissed if I was used that way too. And I would still be. I think when you find yourself feeling these feelings again, since it sounds like you want to move past the anger because it's taking up space in your head and giving you stress, is to practice mindfulness and being in the present. What I mean is reminding yourself to be in the present, ie: he's not here, he's not with you, you've moved on, he can't hurt you anymore so it really doesn't matter; what's in the present, right now, this moment, is whatever you want to give your time and energy to.

As they say: don't let him go on living rent free in your head. He already stole enough from you without giving him free space in your brain too.