Sorry for kind of abandoning this thread. I’ve been in and out but not really logging on. BirdDancer, yes...it was me with the Rod Stewart obsession. Infatuations (that can quickly turn into obsessions) can be a red flag for me.

I thought for a few days that I was overreacting and fine but the last 2 days I haven’t slept. Last night I wrote in my head the entire autobiography I’ve been thinking about for awhile. I also planned out a new diet and exactly what foods I’d be eating when I’d be eating them and when/how I’d be exercising. It was a lot and my brain did not shut up. Part of me is thinking yahoo...I’m about to go on vacation and I’m going to be manic because the last time I went on vacation was 7 years ago this month and I was in the midst of the worst episode of mania I’ve ever had. It was also literally the MOST magnificent/majestic/supernatural/euphoric time of my life. It was the first time in my life I ever believed God was talking to me. I think, kind of slyly...if I could just have that again... But I know that’s the mania speaking and if I seriously follow that path I’ll end up hospitalized. I most certainly don’t want that. It’s not fair to me but it’ll be plain traumatizing for my kids if I’m hospitalized during a vacation or it’s cut short or both due to mania. I took a sleeping pill tonight in better judgement and if I still don’t sleep, I’ll call her tomorrow.