Yesterday, she told me that I am a gift to her and today that she is worried that she will disappoint me. That is so strange to me.

I don't know what I would do if she decided I am not good enough. It will be very difficult to recover from, I would certainly give up on the idea of any kind of relationship. The reason I went so long without friends or trying to date was because my last ex-girlfriend dumping me in such a humiliating way hurt badly, and I didn't like her all that much. I am anticipating the worst because that is my experience. I know I should not do that because she is not any of my ex's , nowhere near. I am aware that if I act in a way that I am expecting the worst it will be a self-fulfilling prophecy, but it is still difficult to not do..

My friend coming to visit is the first woman to ever reciprocate feelings for me. No one else that I have liked in my life ever wanted to be more than friends and very few wanted to be friends. I wasn't fond of women who liked me but I figured it was the best I could do. This is such a foreign but wonderful feeling. We are so similar but our differences are what makes us fit so well I think.

I definitely overthink things, you have no idea. I tend to give large meaning to meaningless events or statements. She often tells me I am doing that which is helpful but when it is just me my thoughts just spin. She is very patient and understanding of my weirdness. Obsess might be overstating things but to say I ruminate would be accurate.

Thank you for your time and insight, it is calming and very helpful.

MDD with Psychotic Features, Dysthymia, GAD, Cluster C personality traits - Not taking any meds