Thanks all. It was a bad day. (streak). I am still not great, but Im trying. I am really sensitive to my hubby, we even got into it a little bit yesterday and I think he feels I am leaning too much on my "diagnosis" as an excuse for certain behaviors. Im not sure why he is so un-empathetic. He claims if he is mis treated, he is not inclined to go out of his way and has a hard time understanding when I act negatively towards him b/c he might also be sensitive to the way I treat him. Its a bit of a difficult time. Today we have to see a genetic counselor b/c of a mild mutation I have (which I knew about). Tomorrow I go back to the perinatal-psychiatrist. He seems to think that b/c I am home more now it is triggering my behavior. He doesn't understand that there is NO WAY I could be in a stressful job which is what would be necessary at my needed pay rate in my condition. It annoys me that he makes me feel like im being "weak". Something to bring up to my Dr tomorrow and maybe how to address w/ my hubby. You would think he would be supportive of whatever I need to do to get by out of love. He seems to think (he is German, work is very important to him) that in order to be of importance, once must have some kind of job/career. Its really stressful, especially b/c I am working. We had a few rough patches like these before- and the way he holds onto his feelings freaks me out and doesn't help me heal or make progress. But then I worry am I being too selfish, putting too much of the pressure and financial burden on him. My mom and sister are both stay at home moms (or were), so maybe it is just in my mindset that this is ultimately what I want to do. I likely will want to stay home as much as I can w/ the little one. I feel like a good talk under calmer circumstances is needed w/ my hubby. I certainly don't need him stressing me out more, but isn't that what BPD is all about- us taking all these things too much to heart and over reacting as if its the end of the world? Sometimes, this is the way I feel. I have gone back on my meds so that him and I, as well as myself, feel better. I just HOPE the baby doesn't suffer too much as a result. I was reassured that since I was un-medicated for the 1st Trimester, which is the vital time of organ development etc, that it will be ok. I have been feeling a bit "useless" lately. Even planning the gender reveal party- which gets me super duper excited and I love to invest myself in crafts and making decorations and games, etc, feels like he is totally annoyed by my passion for this. Says things like other people find this so over the top/ridiculous. But why does he say that to me? It just brings me down. Could he be jealous of the baby. I don't understand. I hope it gets better soon. I like when my household is harmonious and happy.