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Originally Posted by SilverSprings
I am really sensitive to my hubby, we even got into it a little bit yesterday and I think he feels I am leaning too much on my "diagnosis" as an excuse for certain behaviors. Im not sure why he is so un-empathetic....
He seems to think that b/c I am home more now it is triggering my behavior. He doesn't understand that there is NO WAY I could be in a stressful job which is what would be necessary at my needed pay rate in my condition.
I certainly don't need him stressing me out more, but isn't that what BPD is all about- us taking all these things too much to heart and over reacting as if its the end of the world? Sometimes, this is the way I feel. I have gone back on my meds so that him and I, as well as myself, feel better. I just HOPE the baby doesn't suffer too much as a result. I was reassured that since I was un-medicated for the 1st Trimester, which is the vital time of organ development etc, that it will be ok. I have been feeling a bit "useless" lately.
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Your husband may just be arguing for what suits him not what is best for you and your baby.
I very much believe that childcare/daycare isn't that good for children until they are at least two. Once they are two or three, then it can be good when it's a quality preschool. If the mother needs to work when children are very young IMO it is best if their is an arrangement such as a grandparent helping so the child will develop a secure attachment, have one on one care, be taken care of by someone who is not coming and going (different people). I feel for mothers who must work when their children are babies. So I support your POV that now is not the time to get a high stress job!
Watch for if you husband uses guilt to control you. I find that I can tell better if people in my family are using guilt to get their way when I am on my anxiety medications--I wonder if I would even need medications if there weren't people in my life willing to take advantage of my once trusting nature. If your husband is "guilting" you -- he will eventually guilt your child. Then your child may eventually learn to be just as manipultive or eventually be manipulated as an adult. You say you want harmony--he knows this and may ensure that things won't be harmonious unless you "give."
In the US, many times, childcare is so expensive when children are young that it makes sense to downsize (sell a car, get rid of cable, etc.) and live off one income until our children are preschool age. When I have worked full time jobs that I have to commute to, I am spending money on gas, laundrey (I hate ironing), eating out more, etc. so sometimes the gains you get having two incomes mostly pay off later (if you are putting money in a 401K, etc.).
Sorry this whole thing is causing anxiety for you. My children still cause me anxiety (I worry about them) and they are in their 20s. You are doing the best you can. You may find yourself later wondering if -- because I did such and such--did it cause.... You deserve to enjoy your baby and your life so try not to worry too much about taking medications--let your doctor's worry about this. When our children present with certain things later--only God knows for sure why. All we can do is try our best everyday. No parent is perfect. You are going to be a very caring mother--that I am sure of!!!!
