(((((((((( Griffe )))))))))))

Your post rang so true for me. I was brought up that way. I had no voice. I was told I was dumb and stupid. And yet living in the shadows can feel some how safe too. But you recognise that you feel trapped. Change is difficult but it's not impossible.

You already have an understanding of the way you are and why, so you are half way there to changing it.

You can try little social experiments where you let the real you have a voice. See what reaction you get. Can be scary but worth doing.

Take care.