Oh my goodness, Golden Eve, that is a lot of perfectionism speaking - the only regret in your entire 48 years of life! By the way, I am also 48 and have been with men who mooched off of me, but at a larger scale and for a longer time. I currently pay ex husband who was able to qualify for social security and disability for, he claims, back pain, while he is an elite runner, and I pay more than 50% of my salary to him while having a life-threatening bipolar disorder. I liked your expression: mooching off. Look, Golden Eve, there are two unrelated issues. One is your feelings about him. These can be expressed in a letter that you would draft, addressing him, but not necessarily sending to him. "Unlike you, I never considered any job beneath me, and look, having started off as a receptionist, I am now [your current title]. And I support myself and was able to support you. And look at you - what would you be doing if not for your generous grandparents".

The other, far greater issue, concerns your perfectionism and exacting standards. That issue would require a change of perspective on your side, but that would allow for a far better experience of living. Please read up on "growth mindset" and on how taking risks and making mistakes are both a necessary part of lived experience and our growth as humans on Earth. You do not need to punish yourself with these perfectionist thoughts. They are not a necessary part of the internal dialogue.