Domestic violence in my mind has a physical element. I would not have related what I was experiencing to this term. (What I experienced in my childhood at the hands of my abusers--this I frequently connected with the term violence.) But not what my father did or what my husband was doing-- this to me was different because the physical element was missing. Verbal abuse is the term I first related to and realized, "hey that is what I am experiencing." For me it wasn't until I saw the effect of the abuse on my children did I recognize how damaging it was. Then after I started therapy to help them, did I realize that I was being abused too. The magnitude of its effects on me and my children, I did not fully comprehend this until Sunrise recommended the Patricia Evans book. When I read this , I finally started to understand the profound effect verbal abuse has had on my life and my perception of myself.

I think people don't make the connection between violence and abuse because it is something that they have always known. I though verbal abuse was a normal part of marriage. The same way that I thought all men tend to put down their wives in order to feel better about themselves. Also in relationships I think verbal abuse can enter it gradually and slowly escalates. If your fed trash long enough you forget that it is trash.