((Ladylullaby))),

First of all, welcome to Psych Central as I noticed you are a new member. First of all, you are already devaluing the childhood trauma you experienced when it clearly had an affect on you that caused you to function in an unstable way and feeling vulnerable and lost.

Years ago I found a link that talks about "complex ptsd" and when I read it I began to see things in it that actually described things I struggled with and could not articulate and it really helped me a great deal. It may take me a bit to find the right link again as it's been changed.

Complex post traumatic stress disorder (complex ptsd, pdsd, shell shock, nervous shock, combat fatigue), symptoms and the difference between mental illness and psychiatric injury explained