Hello Bob Ross: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum that may be of interest to you, here on PC, would be the relationships & communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

I'm sorry you have experienced so much abuse in your life. No one, it seems to me, should have to grow up under those conditions. You asked if you should attempt to reopen contact with your mother. Honestly I can't tell you what to do here. I used to know a guy who was fond of saying: "If you want to see which way the bullet's going, look down the barrel of the gun." If you re-read what you've written here, I fear you'll see what you're likely to encounter if you do make that attempt. Only you know whether the possible benefits you mentioned in your post are worth what you may have to endure in the process.

My thinking, with regard to this, is that it is all so complicated, it would not be possible for any of us here on PC to give you any really good advice or guidance. I think this is all something you perhaps might want to approach with the help of an experienced counselor or mental health therapist... someone who has the expertise to guide you over a period of time. This is all not something that is going to be resolved by either trying to re-establish contact with your mother or deciding not to do so. The effects of what you have experienced are going to be something you're going to deal with for the rest of your life. And the sooner you make a start at coming to terms with it the better, from my perspective.

Here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of coping with toxic parents that perhaps may help to provide you with some perspective:

Are Your Parents Toxic?

15 Signs You Have Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

10 Tips for Dealing with your Toxic Parents | Happily Imperfect

5 Survival Tactics You Use to Maintain a Relationship with Your Abusive Parent | Happily Imperfect

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...nd-or-explain/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...istic-parents/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.