Welcome, Ladylullaby! The wise Open Eyes has already gave you some WONDERFUL advice and suggestions! I'd encourage you to try DBT Therapy or ANY kind of therapy that you feel like may be helpful to you, really. Just try to take GREAT care of yourself and I hope you'll like this forum! You'll certainly meet many people who can relate to you! Either way stay safe and try to get as much help as you possibly can. You are IMPORTANT and you MATTER! PLEASE DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT! Let us know how it goes for you. Keep us updated on your situation if you can and want! We ALL do care about you! THAT'S A PROMISE! Sending many safe, warm hugs to you and ALL the people you love and who love you, Ladylullaby!