Hello Mistyms: Thank you for sharing your struggle.
I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central.
In addition to the anxiety forum, there's also the social anxiety sub-forum. Here's a link just in case you haven't already noticed it:
https://psychcentralforums.com/socia...ective-mutism/
You mentioned struggling with suicidal thoughts.
So here's a link to an article, from Psych Central's archives, that talks about how to survive suicidal thoughts:
How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts
I hope you find PC to be of benefit.