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likeagreyrainbow · 02:17 PM

Raindropvampire: Thank you for the warm welcome!

And thank you for taking the time to read my post.

MickeyCheeky: A while ago I tried to find a new therapist, but she refused to take me as a patient unless I did therapy alongside with the help of a psychiatrist and took antidepressants. I've been afraid to go to another therapist since. I want to do therapy without taking meds, you know? I've done it before and it helped. I know it's long process, but I'm sure my condition would improve with the help of a therapist as it has in the past. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for being so sweet!! Also, thanks for your helpful input.

WishfulThinker66: I don't really watch any of that stuff late at night, but I do write, all the time. When I'm not writing on a screen or a piece of paper, my head is writing. I'm very passionate about this story, but the fact that it has turned into obsessive thoughts that won't leave my head even when I try to focus on other things has become a problem. I'll have the same words playing in my head over and over again until I get the chance to write them down. It gets to the point where it affects me physically and I find myself exhausted. (But if it's not that story, it'll be something else. I'm sure the words of this text will play in my head over and over again long after I've posted it.)

Sooner or later, everything I love becomes an obsession. The only way for me to make it stop is to cut it off completely, which means that I always have to give up on the things that make me smile and that's just not fair. Then I'll find something else to hold on to and the cycle starts again. This time I didn't want to have to give away what I love. I've been trying to find a different way to cope and turn my obsession into something healthier, but when something like what happened the other night happens, I find myself not knowing how to go on. Am I being irresponsible by holding onto this thing I love that's causing obsessive thoughts?

Possible trigger:

Lately I've had suicide scenes pop into pretty much everything I watch (accidentally. I definitely wouldn't have watched any of it had I known there would be that kind of scene), and that's something that affects me because I have a history of suicide thoughts and have contemplated it before more than once, but managed to stop myself before going any further.

Maybe that has triggered my anxiety to the point of hearing things that are not there?

As for my sleeping habits, I haven't slept much or healthily. It's like my head never stops and I keep writing even in my sleep. I also have the habit of using the bathroom in the middle of the night, which messes with my sleeping hygiene.

Thank you for taking the read to read my post and for your helpful input.

Ladylullaby: Thank you for taking the time to read my post and for sharing your experience! Did your therapist tell you to not pay attention? I have tried telling my mother and my sister about this experience, but they didn't take it seriously. My mom said 'anything can happen late at night,' whereas my sister said I pay too much attention to things that I shouldn't be paying attention to.