Thanks in advance for reading. I'm 45 years old, been married for 20 years, and have known most of my life that I'm gay, I just don't live like I am. It has been an awful secret to keep. I have been in therapy for a few years, and I've not been able to tell my therapist this. I don't know why. Judgement? Humiliation? Fear? I don't know. My therapist is also a woman, but I just can't seem to tell someone, anyone who knows me. But I know therapy will not be helpful for me if I can't tell the therapist everything. I've been living a lie all of my life, and am not happy. I had hoped, one day, to feel comfortable in talking about this in therapy, but I just can't admit it. I know it is the one thing that holds me back. I've never acted on my feelings. My husband and I just exist. We have two nearly grown sons. Sometimes I think if I can find a therapist who is a lesbian and quite open about it in her practice, it might be easier to divulge my secret. I'm getting nowhere by sitting on it. I have lived my life the way society, and my family, expect me to, but I know it's not who I am. I would love some input on this. I don't know what would make me feel safe to share this with my therapist. I just know I've never been able to tell her. As I type this, I keep thinking to look behind me to make sure no one's there, reading this. That's how closeted I am.