Feeling I don't deserve self care has been a huge problem of mine. It has lead to neglecting myself in a number of ways and I do think it was linked to my eating disorder. I am doing somewhat better now due to a shift in my thinking. I came to a realization that by not taking care of myself I was not taking responsibility for my mind and body, and that taking care of myself was the opposite of lazy. By neglecting self care I was less mentally and physically well, plus it passed some responsibility about caring for myself onto other such as my SO who would feel he needed to make sure I did things like eat. I also feel like I don't function as well at work or other activities when I neglect self care, and am not as good or reliable of a friend, SO, or family member.

The hardest part is believing I deserve self care just because I deserve it, and I think that stems from low self worth that goes back to my childhood. I don't think that's an easy one to shift but I am working on it.

You definitely deserve self care and it's a great thing to practice. I can understand why you are having a hard time with it, though. As I am trying to learn myself, we cannot believe everything we think, and our minds will tell us distortions of reality when we are unwell.