No. I would be disturbed if I felt like depriving myself of something I would otherwise participate in based off of something like somebody going on vacation. That is not a criticism of the impulse. I just mean that I wouldn't like it if somebody going on vacation indirectly led to me unnecessarily depriving myself. If I actually acted on the impulse, it would probably confirm my suspicion that I am impotent, rather than make me feel empowered. In this sort of situation, I tend to disregard any emotional turmoil I feel and carry on as normal. I guess that makes me feel more in control than if I allowed emotions that I don't like to have a say in my actions. I don't know if that's the "right" thing to do, or if there is a "right" thing to do. But that's what I do.

On a somewhat related note (maybe?), sometimes I think I want to act out to show the therapist she can't control me. When I act out, it is not of the cancelling or no-showing type (but it is definitely acting out, 95% of the time). Sometimes, it is very difficult to resist the temptation. Sometimes I give in. Sometimes I don't even try to resist and gleefully do whatever it is I am going to do. The balance of power is restored, although it comes at a cost. I guess the question that matters here is whether the cost (missing a session) is worth what you gain (feeling more in control, maybe showing something to the therapist - unclear on that).