Oh I can relate to this. I too am in my 40’s and married to a man, but quite sure I’m a lesbian. It has really been on my mind lately with all the pride month festivities.

I have come out to my Ts and a pdoc with mixed results. T1 was cool with it and accepting. It felt good to tell her. T2 was accepting, but had strong opinions that I needed to leave my marriage and I wasn’t willing to do that at the time. T3 (current T) has been accepting of it and where I am with it, but I also don’t know if he has enough expertise in this to help me. I’m contemplating seeking out another t for at least a consultation. The pdoc I came out to very early on and he was awful about it. He thought I was awful for marrying my husband and was really unkind to me about it. For this reason, I haven’t told current pdoc (yet).

Wish I had advice, but I’m also tied up in knots about this situation. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.