@divine1966 Golden Eve voiced that this particular loser was her only mistake in 48 years. To believe that one should - or could - live for 48 years without making mistakes is perfectionism. I do not know anything about the pre-existing history of relationships and was startled by the thought that I, or Golden Eve, or anyone our age should be expected to go through life without making mistakes. I was of such belief in long past and have since learned to embrace the growth mindset and "take risks, make mistakes, learn from them" mentality, which has improved my life a lot, and was suggesting that embracing the growth mindset would be transformational. When I first learned of the concept of growth mindset, I thought it was yet another overhyped term, but now I subscribe to the notion that having a growth mindset is better than not allowing yourself to make mistakes. When you write about Golden Eve's learning to value herself more, having examined past relationships, it is also, essentially, suggesting having a growth - a learning - mindset, except without using the term.

@theoretical @golden_eve I asked what he would think because there is a belief that to live one's life well is the best approach to avenging one's hurts. I did not expect Golden Eve's ex to be proud of her - I thought he would feel slighted and envious of her successes, and I thought that I would then make the point - which has been made to me by well-meaning friends, that vengeance is living one's life well. I do not understand forgiveness myself, but I have come to understand the point about living one's life well as an act of peaceful vengeance (and for many other reasons, too).

@golden_eve if you are proud of who you are, then this YOU is also a product of learnings and lived experience that included "mistakes" and "bad choices". In that vein you can even thank the loser mentally for teaching you to value yourself more highly.