I am SO intensely ANGRY at you. You went away forever. I realize the problem is within me, I have attachment issues. But it was excruciating and my job was to 'tolerate' how I felt. So, I felt abandoned and then I got angry at myself because it doesn't make sense for me to be angry at you. But the thing is, I am realizing, is that I still do get enraged/angry but I stuff it down. So, I told you it felt ilke you were torturing me, or not keeping me in mind Intellectually, I totally get it. But emotionally I am a wreck. I feel as low as I have ever. Because this is just not going away. I have the worst headaches everyday. I am struggling at home and it isn't getting better. I have been looking at codependent stuff like you told me.
I don't have any hope anymore. And I just don't care. I am not suicidal, but if euthenasia were an option, I one hundred percent would choose that now. I am not getting this across to you somehow how unsafe I feel, how horrible I feel.