My Support Forums - View Single Post - Do you tend to cancel around your T’s vacation?

Lrad123 · Jun 26, 2019 at 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amyjay

It's not playing games, it's just trying to protect yourself. In family systems therapy it could be explained like this: the therapist going away triggered feelings of abandonment or rejection in a hurt child part. A protector steps in to guard the child by not-needing. It takes charge by wanting to reject the therapist to stave off the feelings of the abandoned child. But, while it soothes the child in the moment, when the session is missed it makes the hurt child feel even worse - now not only perceiving abandonment from the therapist but by the self as well!
Look after the child, I say. Even though missing the session will help the protector feel more in control and in charge of the situation, it will hurt the child part more.

ETA: we don't feel like cancelling sessions when the therapist goes away. We make extra sure to deliver the child parts to therapy on time instead, so they can make maximum use out of the time that is available.

Thanks for this explanation. I haven’t done IFS (my T is psychodynamic) but I find this interesting. I guess if you look at it this way, the child almost always seems to make it to our session, but it’s a huge struggle and it’s quite painful and I never really know if she’ll make it. It feels easier to deal with when I think of it in parts like that - like I can be a little more understanding if I think of it as a child. I sort of wish my T explained it that way. I wonder when this struggle will go away. It’s been going on for almost 2 years and it’s so disruptive. I just want to look forward to going to my session without all the extra drama.