I think societies assumptions cause a lot of crazy making even if people are not trying to be mean or discriminatory. I was exceptionally lucky in that the woman I first came out to was very strong and comfortable in who she was and was an educator and advocate especially for youth who were coming out or discovering who they were.
People just shake their head when I explain being Pan. Gender just is not important to me in a life partner. I do find myself far more physically attracted to women but in the big picture my relationships outside of, well, lust are better with men. I have never been with someone who is trans or non-binary but if the right person had come along that would not have been an issue either. I don’t have any thoughts of leaving or stepping out of my marriage even though if H found out more about how things break down for me he would have the same reaction as Artie’s H.
Are you worried that if you come out to your T they will encourage you to leave your marriage? Is that something you are thinking about anyway? I would guess that how coming out is going to impact your marriage may play a large part in your fears about coming out.

BTW if anyone needs someone to talk to about this kind of thing you are welcome to PM me. Please, anyone, I don’t want ANYONE feeling alone in this dealing with this subject. Feeling alone in who you are as an intimate being is an aweful, aweful feeling and no one should have to feel that way.