You are rebellious in response to how she acts plus you have been traumatized--at one point in the relationship with my son, I would get nauseous and have panic attacks on the way to seeing him and during the visit. This is because I never knew what to expect and little by little, enough had happened that my reactions had became out of control too! I am doing better now because I am seeing him much much less (keeping my distance) and take extra medication when I see him. Our visit yesterday went well because I took a break from him and have set a lot more boundaries. When we are struggling (I don't think you are now and know you realize this but will still emphasize it), we can't help a struggling family member. Don't feel bad that you aren't visiting regularly. You need to recharge and heal so that when she really needs you, you are able to handle it!!!

If I made a list of the foolish things I have done, I could probably convince you that, many times, I am!