So lately I have been able to go to work and do a decent job. I work 12 hr overnights, 3 or 4 in a row, as a vet tech in Emergency. It's super stressful, we've been slammed recently with more patients than we can really handle in addition to angry and unrealistic clients. It takes all of my energy to make it through each shift. I've also had an altercation with a part-time coworker who has been increasingly becoming unbearable to all of us but it happened to peak during a shift with me and there was screaming and cursing from both of us. So far I have not been disciplined but she also has not been fired, and everyone is walking on eggshells.

When I am off, I spend most of my time sleeping. Days, nights, doesn't matter. I have a small dog I am neglecting as she has to use pee pads in the house (not a problem for her) and we don't do walks anymore. I am ashamed of myself.

I have lost my psychopharm, my GP, and a therapist, all due to their own career changes. I am pretty much trying to do everything on my own, my "new" doctor who is an NP is prescribing my meds but that's it.

My brother/only sibling moved across the country a year ago. I have had one conversation with him since. His kids have never once sent a thank you note or text or email for any of the many presents and magazine subscriptions I have sent over the last 15 years. I'm told that I am the one not making the effort. I finally told my brother that the ball is in his court and he can contact me when he is available. Radio silence for the last 4 months. My parents also haven't been in touch in over 6 weeks; I text them regularly but don't get anything back.

The thing that is the same in all of this is me. I feel like somehow I am failing everyone all the time. I've also developed a strong aversion to leaving the house and so it takes so much energy and battling with myself to go buy food or refill my meds. I have to renew my drivers license by Friday and I am totally dreading it.

In addition I don't have any friends in the area. Generally I enjoy being alone and don't feel like I am missing out on friend stuff but the complete silence from my family is very upsetting. If I say anything I will be told that I am overreacting and that everyone is dealing with their own ("more important") problems.

I'm not even sure what I am asking here. I'm not used to feeling lonely and I'm not even sure if it's my fault or not.

Hx: alcoholic family growing up; depression, anxiety; current meds Sertraline, Doxepin, Clonazepam.