Quote:
Originally Posted by TunedOut
You are rebellious in response to how she acts plus you have been traumatized--at one point in the relationship with my son, I would get nauseous and have panic attacks on the way to seeing him and during the visit. This is because I never knew what to expect and little by little, enough had happened that my reactions had became out of control too! I am doing better now because I am seeing him much much less (keeping my distance) and take extra medication when I see him. Our visit yesterday went well because I took a break from him and have set a lot more boundaries. When we are struggling (I don't think you are now and know you realize this but will still emphasize it), we can't help a struggling family member. Don't feel bad that you aren't visiting regularly. You need to recharge and heal so that when she really needs you, you are able to handle it!!! 
If I made a list of the foolish things I have done, I could probably convince you that, many times, I am!  |
I completely commiserate with Having to premedicate to deal. I give myself a little pep talk before a conversation or visit so I stay calm and don’t instigate or react.
I messed up with this last conversation because I criticized her for criticizing others- I should have just said “uh huh” and let her tire herself out. I’ll try that next time. It’s just so annoying when I’ve tried to set a boundary, begged her not to say these things to me, but she refuses! I am forced to listen to it.
I think what happened here, is I read loads of psych articles and learned what is toxic. I learned that gossip is wrong. I am sure I used to feed it. It never came from me, but I fed into it with her. By echoing her sentiment, by validating her, I felt I was bonding with her and she was approving of me. Now that I learned it is toxic, and won’t do it anymore, she won’t stop. Besides, it didn’t get her approval. She was also badmouthing me to others. I didn’t know that, but I learned she is a contrarian. Who would have thought their own mother was two-faced? I only learned this a few years ago.
I had the same thing happen with my ex bff. I was shocked to learn she was even making up lies about me to her other friends to bad mouth me. I was honestly shocked. How naive could I be?
Which brings me to the subject of being a fool. If I listed all the foolish things I have done it would be both hilarious and alarming. It would make a great country song.
. In regards to your deepest error (the attempt), that came from a place of impulse and anguish.
