Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I messed up with this last conversation because I criticized her for criticizing others- I should have just said “uh huh” and let her tire herself out. I’ll try that next time. It’s just so annoying when I’ve tried to set a boundary, begged her not to say these things to me, but she refuses! I am forced to listen to it. 
She was also badmouthing me to others. I didn’t know that, but I learned she is a contrarian. Who would have thought their own mother was two-faced? I only learned this a few years ago.
I had the same thing happen with my ex bff. |
Yes, with some people it is so useless to "battle" them because they are so stubborn. Sadly, their stubbornness hurts themselves the most.
That is shocking that your mom was badmouthing you.
I assume my son loves me and doesn't badmouth me but who knows. I am the parent and therefore have to do things that he might not like. I will still try to be there for him within reason. I do love him very much. He has so many good qualities and you have said there are many things that you like about your mom. You are still there for your mom within reason.
As far as being naive goes--I think we assume people have some of the same standards and values we have but not everyone does. I really hate labelling people as NPD, etc. but the character traits of these disorders (keeping in mind people are on a continueum and alway a mix), do help us understand that people think and behave differently than what we think of as normal. Some people are fine (or can't help?) operating in an unfair way. Of course, when we think disordered is normal then we end up not understanding what they are about very quickly.
We all love our mothers so if our mother is disordered then it twists our thinking and takes a while to sort it out.
