On top of the difficulties I am having with my 'friend', I found out yesterday from my sister than my estranged father is dying of pancreatic cancer. He's in the hospital and the friend who took him there called his ex-wife, who then called my sister, which is how I found out about it.

This friend then called my sister from the hospital line and she talked for the first time in years to my father on the phone. I called him later. it was the first time in a long time I spoke with him.

I found out from my sister that my father is being hugely insulting to non-white hospital staff who are caring from him. She heard this from my Dad's friend who called her on the hospital line. My father is a terrible racist.

Neither me nor my sister is going to see him but my sister's husband is flying there today to help him arrange hospice. He wants hospice at home rather than in a facility.

I felt a momentary sense of release and relief yesterday when i found out he was going to be dead soon, that he would no . longer be a part of my walk on this earth.