Ok, found the right link so you can click on it as it represents a lot of time and research done by an individual who has since passed yet his work remains and has proven to be extremely helpful.

While reading this information you will come across this statement:


The information goes on to explain further why an assumption is made unfairly and instead the person's true challenge is more a sign of struggling with complex ptsd instead.

There are different therapy's offered that have proven helpful, one of those therapies is DBT, and another is CBT and a newer one that has proven to reduce the symptoms from "unprocessed traumas" is called Accelerated Resoulution Therapy. If you have a diagnoses of ptsd, then I strongly recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in "trauma therapy" otherwise you may end up misdiagnosed and not finding therapy all that helpful.

For myself, I am now seeing a "trauma therapist" and he has tried using different therapies and has found the Accelerated Resolution Therapy to work the best with his PTSD patients. I have not been in this therapy all that long, however, what I have noticed about it is how much my body itself has been weighed down by the traumas I have experienced in my own life.

It sounds to me from what you have shared is that you drag your body out of bed, lug through the day of work, come home exhausted and can't wait until you can finally climb back into bed. When I finally did an ART session I felt exhausted and actually wanted to sleep most of the next day. After the session I had literally felt like I had been relieved of a heavy suit I had not even realized I had been wearing. Truth is, without realizing it I had grown used to living with how the trauma affected me physically where my muscles were constantly pumped up with "cortizol" because PTSD is an anxiety disorder and the individual who is suffering with it is much more sensitive and is often stuck in a "hyper vigilant" state of mind, as though they have their foot out ready to run and escape, yet their body is experiencing that as well which makes it harder to function and handle things in a more normal relaxed state.

What you are describing as uncontrollable mood swings is coming from how the trauma or traumas affected your emotional mind and often this is due to one's inablity to process their own emotional challenges that present from experiencing a trauma or traumas. Most of the time a trauma leaves a person with feeling "powerless" and the person simply had "no control" when something happened that caused that person to suffer and feel so powerless.

The reason why this particular link is helpful is because it covers how a person can at some point experience a very toxic presence that bullies them, constantly tries to control them, and they find themselves "trapped" and having to constantly work around this "toxic" controlling presence. It is especially difficult for a child in that children simply do not have the life experience to understand how to handle a toxic presence and often have to figure out how to work around that kind of presence which may very well be a parent that has problems and is to controlling and unbalanced and incapable of allowing that child the freedom to develop their OWN identity. Instead, often that child faces constant criticisms and experiences what is now called "childhood emotional neglect".

It's important to pay attention to the symptoms of ptsd because one of the symptoms that tends to be consistent is "shame and self blaming" which is why when it comes to abuse or trauma one of the constant messages presented is "it's not your fault".

At this point you are just beginning to learn about what ptsd is and how it affects you in ways you may not realize. What you have said "it's just a stupid childhood trauma" means you are not really aware of how that trauma really did affect you, and there most likely is a lot more involved than you actually realize. You are clearly struggling so it's time to finally figure out why and it will require patience on your part with this learning and finally looking to identify what's behind your challenge and to finally HEAL and manage these challenges that continually affect you.