hmmm. don't really know what to say. the first time i discovered personality disorders, i was drawn in by it. it fascinated me. but the more i learned about them, the more i realized that a few of them resembled me a whole lot. recently, i have discovered that BPD(borderline personality disorder) resembles me the most of all of them. but there are also other things not associated with BPD. when i found this site, i figured that i could get some answers for my problems, considering the fact that im too stubborn to go to my parents or someone else about it.

i've got a very short temper. i get angry from the littlest things. (it's more like rage most of the time.) sometimes even for no reason. i even get so angry that i start to cry, which is pretty bad for me, considering that i never cry. i normally act on impulse, but most of the time, i find that i have to control myself as to avoid harming others or getting myself in serious trouble at school. if it wasn't for certain laws and the risk of jail or something, there would be a lot of people in the hospital or worse. i avoid making strong bonds with others to avoid being hurt by them, either by leaving me, or dieing/getting injured. i find myself pondering about life and death. the meaning of the universe, my existence and many other things. i think way too deep into things that many people just leave untouched. my moods change unexpectedly. i can be happy on minute, but the slightest thing can set me off or send me into a short depression. i feel empty a lot. it's a feeling that i hate immensly-like there's a hole in my chest. i like to hurt myself. not on a regular basis, and not for any particular reason, just because i like too. i like the blood, and i like pain for some odd reason. a lot of the time, i question wether i know who i am anymore. i can't seem to decide if i am one person or the other. i like to write stories, usually based on things that i wish my life were. and if i forgot to mention-my outlook on life is that it's a dirty and cruel place that deserves to die. i don't normally tell people about my problems or about what im feeling, because i don't want them to pity me. and i deffinately don't want my parent to find out. because they'll go all "where did we go wrong?" and all that. they'll always be wondering if im OK, or if i want to "talk" about something. it will just be too troublesome. and another thing-i have low self-image and low self esteem. i also feel sometiems that i don't deserve to be happy, and that i should be punished and am being punished through the spells of depression and emptiness.

does anyone have an opinion about all this? im sure that i've forgotton to mention something, but i don't really know myself. if you could talk to me IRL, it'd be SO much easier. =_= just tell me your opinion and all that jazz. .