Sweetie, I'm sorry that you are going through such a rough time. Maybe I missed something, but I don't understand why you are going to separate doctors for each of your meds. Is it that you are having a hard time accepting your diagnosis?

As someone else already said, because each doctor doesn't know what you're taking from the other doctors, then they each would not be aware of possible drug interactions.

My advice to you, given lovingly and with great care for you, is that you should find a pdoc and get all your meds from that one pdoc. Then he/she could better treat you to help you feel better. Also, I agree with another thing that someone also said, and that is to find yourself a therapist to talk things out with.

I've tried Depakote before and I was on it for about 2 years. Yes, I did have some side effects, heck is there any of these psych meds that don't come with side effects, but why don't you try to really persevere with it. It is going to take some time, weeks, for it to start working and maybe you'll need to even increase the dosage, of course a decision made with your pdoc, not on your own, in order for you to reach a dosage that works for you. I'm assuming you're on 500mg? Everybody is different, but for me, it did absolutely nothing for my ultra rapid cycling until I was stabilized on 1500mg daily. For you it could be less.

As for the feelings that you are experiencing while taking the Depakote, I'm assuming that you weren't like that before, you should call your prescribing physician and tell him/her what is going on. What you are experiencing is obviously not what the med should be doing for you. Also, taking it sporadically IMHO is not going to be very good either, as I said, it needs to build up in your system before you feel better from it. I would think that you are probably delaying that process, but hey, I'm not a doctor. Please discuss these problems with your doctor and get all your meds from one place.

Are you taking an AD at the same time, that could trigger manic episodes. I think it is imperative that you get one doctor and that it be a pdoc for all of your meds.

I just think you could be doing much better if you did this. Of course, this is just my opinion and you may take it or ignore it, it's your decision to make but why not do everything that you can do to help yourself feel better than you do now?

I also had a very difficult time coming to grips with the fact that I'm BP and that I will be for the rest of my life. I didn't plan for my life to go in this direction and I know you didn't either but it is what it is and you can fight it all you want but unfortunately sweetie, that doesn't make it go away. I wish it could.

As far as you being nervous about liver problems associated with the Depakote, as someone already said, get the routine drug tests done and you will be fine.

I hope that you receive my advice with the love with which it is given to you. I do so worry about you and I know your anquish, I was once in your shoes but I've come to accept that this is the way that life is going to be for me, but I'm doing far better now on a mood stabilizer than I ever was without. There simply is no comparison, at least for me. Sure I still rapid cycle but not to the intensity that I did before and not near as often.

I hope that you don't mind me sending you hugs and prayers to the man upstairs. Please take care of yourself. I care about you and I'm sure there are lots of people who also do.

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