Thanks for sharing your grief. My condolences on your loss. Here are links to some articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject of coping with grief & loss. The first article, by DocJohn, provides links to additional articles on the subject. The other 3 address the topic of complicated grief. Included is a quiz you can take to help you determine if what you are experiencing might be considered complicated grief:

Coping with Grief | Psych Central

What is Complicated Grief? | Mental Health Awareness

Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck | Bonding Time

Grief and Loss Quiz

I hope you're finding PC to be of benefit.