It started off on a lighter note. I said it had been rough and stuff had come up last session. He said he thought it was a good session, I said I didn't say it wasn't. He asked about my thoughts and I joked that I'd just decided not to think about it, to let it be what it was and not overthink or overanalyze. He laughed and basically said "yeah, sure." I joked that I'd coped with it by doing mindfulness meditation and he said "wait, really?" in like an excited tone and I was like "no!!!" It's kind of sweet how hopeful and optimistic he is lol

We talked about the T word. He said it, I didn't. I started with getting a feel for his opinion on things, brought up that he'd used a term last session that he hadn't used before, managed to get him to connect the dots to figure out that I was talking about "PTSD." He said he disagreed with the DSM and had for a long time.
I handed him some writing. It said that in my head it was "the T word." He paused and asked if "the T word" was "trauma" and I confirmed that it was.
I wrote about feeling like he didn't think it was that, that I figured he saw plenty of people with real actual trauma. That nothing I experienced was that bad, and that word is for much worse things. I also reminded him of the time I asked him whether he thought my childhood was worse than average and he didn't really give a yes or no answer, just told me how shocked he'd been by how common things like sexual abuse (i.e. things worse than anything I experienced) were. I told him that I've brought this up multiple times, that when he brings up others who've had worse experiences, even when it's an attempt to be validating, it makes me feel like I want to hurt myself and I feel like he hasn't taken that seriously.
He apologized and said he'd be more mindful about bringing up other people's experiences.
He referred to the part where I'd written that it felt like that word was too strong of a word for my experiences. He asked if I believed that. I told him rationally, no, emotionally, yes.
He apparently had always thought of it as trauma? I said it felt like he'd been actively avoiding using that term and he seemed genuinely surprised and said he just tends to think of it as a more clinical term but he wasn't intentionally trying not to use it. He pointed out that the approach has been treating it as such and I agreed with that. It was just the use of the word.
Yet another example of me overthinking everything and spending hours wondering why he wouldn't just use that word and apparently it just didn't occur to him. Sigh.
He pointed out the number of scars and that I internalized the idea that I was "bad" and didn't deserve to be cared about as evidence that it was traumatic. When I said it didn't prove that I wasn't just overreacting and weak he pointed out that I always manage to do this, find a way to turn something on myself. I told him it was a skill, and he agreed that I was very good at it.
He wants me to be able to get angry at my parents, including my mother. That's hard for me. I shared a recent conversation I'd had with her in which I'd gotten frustrated. I had him read it even though he wanted me to read it, I told him it was partly because you can't read emoticons out loud. Then I had to explain emoticons and this: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. He mimicked it and I corrected him that it wasn't a smile. Then a few minutes later I asked him something and he did the shrug thing which actually got me to laugh.
I brought up how my anger had been used to make me out to be the problem, including the court report stuff and all that. He said I had good reason to be angry. I told him I should have been able to compartmentalize it better so I'd be taken seriously and he was a bit incredulous, pointing out that I was talking about a 12-13 year old, asking if I'd tell another 12-13 year old that they should just be able to compartmentalize their anger better.

One moment that really stuck with me was when I said, in response to his use of the words "abused" and "traumatized" that those sound like things that happen to innocent children and then it's sad. He asked "and you weren't an innocent child? What kind of child were you then?" (probably expecting the answer that I was "bad," which is pretty standard for me). I told him "I was me."