A possible trigger for suicidal mentions

I don't know what else to do. My suicidal thoughts came back in a different way than before. Like I'm less aware of them? it takes me a while to realize how dangerous/harmful my thoughts are. I'm afraid of going to a new therapist because I'm afraid of being locked away again
Last time I talked to my therapist she said she was closing my case because my new job has a fluctuating schedule and made it difficult to keep a reoccurring appointment time. The schedule still hasn't stabilized, I've only just been made full-time but it's the slow season, and is expected to switch to a stricter 8-5pm schedule in the fall.
At the time she told me that not being able to see me regularly would do more harm than good, and didn't like the phone sessions.

I want to contact her to see if she will change her mind, instead of trying to wait for my job to change things in the fall. There's the risk that she may so no, which would probably make me worse. And while I would rather wait, but there's a part of me that thinks waiting is risky too like I might not make it.