Okay, so today I am feeling a bit more optimistic about my future.

My appointment yesterday with my social worker was very productive, we dissected my job situation and why I need to break a vicious circle in order to actually move forward and save myself from spiraling. She is specialized in working with people with BP (I have a team of specialists) so she was a huge help. I need to see my nurse to talk about things in detail/to actually work on this, but one of the problems has been more or less identified (but these problems have been haunting me for awhile, and I cant shake them).

Also, we talked about how to get me to work again/opportunities, and it seems there's a sort of....internship/training that's available for exceptionally gifted people and those with autism, that can't work due to reasons, and have my indication. I fall under exceptionally gifted, so I could get into this, so we are going to talk next week about how to move forward with this. My concern is, yes, I fall under that category....but, I also have that baggage of having BP2, so can I do this? Do I actually have it in me with that extra package + chain of diagnoses that go with it? I tend to hang on the negative of something positive, so maybe it won't be so bad...I just don't want to fail again, like I tend to do....all the time.

"There's a fine line between genius and madness"? I never use my gifted thing (what I find as something that means little, so I never talk about it) because I never feel special...in any way. Why should I even qualify? I know there's a link between those with BP and being gifted, because our curse is also a blessing....sometimes....

It makes some sense after writing this I suppose...I am still concerned though...oh well, I'll see where this goes.